The Jagged Precipice of Transsexual Reality
True Beauty Lies in the Intricate Dance Between Struggle and Triumph
To be a transsexual in a world inundated with the kaleidoscope of gender ideology is to stand on a jagged precipice of reality, where those who don't — or won't — understand try to pull you down to the depths of their ideological dogmatism.
Medical Conditions Are Apolitical
Transsexualism, for me, has never been about politics. It's not a mask I wear or a stage I act upon. My path has been charted by an existential need for alignment—between an unerring voice within that screamed and a body that felt like a shroud I was unfairly wrapped in. It's deeply intimate, a matter of sensory perception and the profound ways our brains map our selves. A neurobiological condition, not a chosen identity.
The Ideological Compactor: A Dual-Pronged Assault
In articulating this narrative, I find myself threatened by an ideological compactor, a relentless force from both ends of the sociopolitical spectrum that desperately seeks to extinguish my voice and erase my reality. It's a dual-pronged assault on someone who already bears the scars of battles fought within.
From one side, there's a push to amalgamate and subsume my experiences under the 'transgender umbrella'; from the other, a pull to reduce me to a caricature, a man in a dress or a trans-identified male. Both sides, albeit with divergent motivations, conflate my transsexuality with common gendernonconformity, obscuring both the sex-based reality of my existence as well as the sex-based nature of the medical condition I struggle with. "Transwomen are men in dresses," declare some; "male crossdressers are trans women," counter others, both drowning the true transsexual narrative in a sea of oversimplification and misrepresentation.
Resilience in the Dichotomy
Every time I raise my voice, a myriad of others rise to shout me down. Yet, with every insult, every attempt to devalue me, there emerges a clearer picture of the broader war. It's not just a war over rights or spaces; it's a battle for the very right to define and own one's narrative. For the right to articulate the intricacies of one’s truth without being drowned in the agendas of the loud and the dogmatic.
Between these opposing forces of the ideological compactor, I’ve carved out a sanctuary. It is not a refuge built on the shaky sands of external validation, but the truth of my experience and the integrity of my narrative. How does one explain the weight of a torment borne from a ceaseless assault on their reality? The constant psychological warfare from the so-called 'trans community' is breaking me, but I refuse to shatter, because the integrity of my soul is on the line. Fighting back isn’t a choice; it’s survival against existential annihilation.
“The question isn't if it's "worth it." The question is if anything is worth compromising the essence of who you are. For me, the answer will always be a resounding no. Physical peril — including mortality — is no match for the existential threat of self-betrayal.”
— tweet, Tired Transsexual, 14 September 2023
In Search of Light Amidst Shadows
In our contemporary society, the pursuit of happiness has been commodified into a mindless chase for fleeting pleasures. Society conditions us to pursue ephemeral joys and to be fearful of negative emotions, thereby encouraging us to neglect the deeper, more intricate dance between struggle and triumph.
There's unparalleled value found in this interplay. This delicate dance, often lost in the hustle of the West's fear of negative emotions, is where we find the brilliance of our soul. It's within the depths of melancholy, the profound grasp of тоска, that we fully discern the intensity of joy. We also discover resilience—a strength that emerges from the friction. It’s an indomitable spirit that refuses to be quelled, no matter the adversity. True light, as I've come to understand, gleams most radiant in the shadows.
While critics might dismiss these outpourings of my soul as the delusional byproducts of "severe mental illness". To them, I say this: If you believe transsexualism to be a disorder, don't those afflicted with it deserve effective treatment and compassion? It’s unfortunate that the 'trans' movement isn’t about things like higher quality care, research into long term HRT effects, and prevention of dysphoria. All things that transsexuals overwhelmingly support. Instead, it’s pronouns.
Beacons of Hope
Amidst this tempest, there is also beauty. A kind of raw, haunting beauty that emerges on the precipice of reality, in the air pockets of the ideological compactor, where one can witness the full spectrum of humanity — from boundless empathy to chilling cruelty. It's in the fleeting moments of understanding, the glimmers of acceptance, and the outstretched hands of allies who dare to see beyond the noise, and who brave the crossfire with me.
My life has taught me that while society might wish to label and categorise us, we remain the authors of our stories. It's a mosaic of experiences, of allies and adversaries, that shape our understanding and challenge our perceptions.
“Your story is a mirror held up to many of our lives... Like you, I'm not looking to be defined by society's labels... I am me—less a transsexual human than a human who happens to be transsexual.” — tweet, Tired Transsexual, 28 September 2023
To those who dare to see and stand by me for who I am, not as a transsexual but as a unique, complex individual who happens to be one: you are the lighthouses in this storm, and you remind me that every storm, no matter how fierce, eventually breaks. In that dawn, I see a world where every voice is valued, every narrative respected, and every soul finds its sanctuary.
Tired Transsexual is the pen name of a male-to-female transsexual who lives in the U.K. Her Twitter account is @tiredtransmed.